Today I will like to talk about relationships. More specifically I will talk about avoiding being trapped in a vicious cycle of bad relationships. Many of us have at one time or the other found ourselves moving from one wrong relationship to another. We wonder why we never seem to get it right. When Jesus met the Samaritan woman as recorded in the gospel of John Chapter four, she was in this painful cycle. She had been trying to solve an emotional problem without getting to the root cause of it. She probably thought the problem was always “the other person” whereas she just needed to look inward. Jesus helped her see what she really needed and that was the end of her troubles.
It is important to ask yourself some honest questions when you are entering a new relationship, especially when you are just coming out of another one.
- Why am I getting into this relationship? What do I really want from it?
Knowing your need is the first step to knowing who can fill that need. Do not go seeking from fellow man what God alone can give to you. Unrealistic expectations are a major cause of the failure of many relationships.
I usually tell people, if God can’t make you happy then no one else will.
- Why did the last one fail?
If you cannot answer this question then you are not ready for a new move. Sometimes, we are just too eager to forget the past hoping to find someone who will wipe away the tears from the previous experience. If you unconsciously carry a habit that is responsible for your predicament, then you are simply hurrying into another failed experience because you are the carrier of the virus.
If it is the other party who has the problem, you still need time to figure out the incumbent so you do not get messed up again. Don’t let your desire to be comforted push you into the waiting hands of a disaster that is waiting to happen.
- Do I have any carry-overs?
When you get out of a hurtful or abusive experience, rather than hurry into the next hoping to find comfort, let God heal your emotions else you end up transferring all the hurt, pain and hatred to the next person. You might end up giving Peter a slap that was meant for Paul.
Carry-overs will make you get into a relationship with all your defense mechanisms on. “If he tries this I will do that. If she attempts this I will defend myself.” I’m not saying it is wrong to defend oneself, but if you get into a relationship programmed like that, you will be too busy monitoring the other person’s moves and gestures to really enjoy the relationship.
You end up kissing with your eyes open and keeping a knife at arm’s length “just in case.”
The ingredients for a failed relationship lie in the previous one if you will care to check. The spices for the success of the next relationship are hidden in your ability to, with God’s help dissect the previous one and get a road map to the next.
Be healed before you hit.