Archive for the ‘CHRISTIANITY’ Category
December 13th; a long awaited day; an anticipated day. How I longed to join the list of my predecessors who had sat on tables and signed out book; their books, their own creation, a piece of themselves given out to the readership.
The day came and went, but alas! New reality was about to hit me in the face.
I love meeting with God outdoors. The trees, the flowers, the butterflies, the green grass, the fresh breeze…there’s something about these that just draw me so close to my Maker, my Creator.
But on this fateful day I wasn’t basking in His love as usual. I wasn’t sitting there, awe-stricken by the beauty of His creation. I was looking for something to hold onto. I was worried. I needed validation from the one in whose name I’d done what I did.
“Lord, are you also ashamed of me?”
“Why are they looking at me like that? Why are my friends avoiding me? Why the weird look on their faces? Why are they “unfriending” me on Face book? Why do my own family relations desire to ask me questions after reading those books, Lord?
Did I say things that hurt them? Did I give away too much of myself? Was I too transparent? Lord, why are they ashamed to identify with me now?
Lord, are you also ashamed of me? Are you ashamed of me because I said too much about the messes, failures, frailties and struggles of my past?
I wish I hadn’t added that little detail. I wish I’d kept this one secret. How I hate myself for having talked about that thing I did. I shouldn’t have exposed what they did to me”
Genuinely speaking, I was full of regret about lots of things I’d said in those books.
The great testimonies I got from some of my readers couldn’t compensate for the strange reactions I was receiving from close friends and relations. I was beaten down by shame and regret. I’d given away too much and it was too late to take it back.
At least that’s how I felt that day.
I really thought God must be very ashamed of me for exposing my past messiness and bringing dishonor to His HOLY NAME.
Then, came the lever out of hell. These are the words I wrote in my journal that day:
“What matters to me is not the size of my bank account, how beautiful and admired I am, how accepted I am. What matters to me is making a difference in people’s lives.
What is the use of having a bank account that’s full to the brim or a spotless name when you can’t give hope to desperate people around you? I won’t hold back or run now? I won’t fear to speak out. I can’t disown my past.
My past is my ministry and my ministry is my past. To disown my past is to disown my ministry and I can’t do that. I’ll rather be rejected and ostracized than shut up and watch people perish.
God has called me to use my past as a message to pull people out of their mess. I’m proud to be a world-changer, a person whose contribution is making the world a better place for us all”.
The Lord spoke to me. He held me in His arms and told me He was proud of me because I’d accepted to lay down my pride, dignity and name for the lost. It’s a sacrifice, a bitter and embarrassing sacrifice. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.
Jesus showed us the example by accepting the shame of the CROSS. Will you lay down your name, fame, gain, pride and dignity in order to put a smile on that tear-stained face?
God is asking you today.
It’s a season for me to reflect,
To look back and reflect on the distance we have covered together,
Since that day You took me by the hand
And showed me there is more to life than pain and shame.
Gentle Lord and Savior,
I’m so blessed to be yours, and for ever,
I pledge my eternal allegiance and loyalty,
My love and submission to your will.
But there will be days when it seems hard to take the narrow road,
Yet you have promised never to leave me nor forsake me,
With this promise I look to future with hope,
For faithful are You to bring me home save to you.
Something wonderful happened to me this week.
The Lord told me to forgive some people who’ve hurt me so badly
and to go meet them and pray for them.
You could think it’s that easy, but I spent a sleepless night just imagining
how I will have to go down to those people who owe me
apologies, tell them I forgive them, then pray for them.
But I finally swallowed my pride and timidity and did just that.
When I began to pray with one of them, she just broke down to tears…especially when I
mentioned that I’m releasing her from the prison of my heart so that she can get blessed.
I just realized how much hurt I had been causing by keeping them in the prison of my heart.
At the end of it all, I felt so good, free and joyous. They too.
I challenge you to do same. Do not hold that person in the prison cell of your heart any longer. Do not even wait for God to say so.
Release them, pray for them and you will get blessed yourself.
It’s good to know God is not keeping someone in bondage because I, His servant have refused to forgive them.
Remember Jesus said, whom we forgive He will forgive too.