Never become too spiritual for God to handle

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The year of the Narc.

Yes, I’ll call it the year of the Narc because he had his year in my life.

He came in, got what he wanted and walked away leaving me in utter shreds. He knew how to go about his business with tact and expertise. He bombed into my life like a meteor, showed me paradise and then took it away before I had the time to take a second bite. I was the queen of the season, the most sought after, the one and only desirable…then  I began to dream big dreams and to see a great future, but like the mirage he’s always been, he vanished into the distance, leaving me in a state of despair to figure out for myself what the hell was going on in my world.

Then one day I stumbled on a blog that had everything to say about narcissists. I began to understand why I’ve always felt so lonely, not good enough; why I compromised so much and got so little; why  I was called names, mocked and despised no matter how much effort I put in. I understood why he will choose to stay away for months when we had a hard talk; why he will continue to stay away even when I cried, begged, repented and promised to change just for him. (I stopped worshiping God and worshiped him instead)

But all this while he knew what he was up to. While I was perplexed and bewildered, he was playing his game and having fun. While I spent sleepless nights he was out there probably with “new supply”. Yes, Kim Saeed, your blog saved my life.

I went for “no contact”; failed once, twice and then thrice…because I kept thinking of the golden days and the possibility of having them back.

But one day I decided I’d had enough of tears for breakfast, lunch and supper. I took the great leap for good. That’s why I can now tell the story. That’s why I now help other women to see the light and leave the dark.

It was the year of the Narc. But God kept me through it so I can tell this story today. Narcissism is a terrible thing to endure. It hurts to the deepest parts of your being. Run for your life and let God help them if He would.

This is my experience during twelve months of hell on earth. I hope you never have to live there too.

Two broken hearts

They love each other

But they are too afraid

To let give in to each other

To express that feeling that’s burning inside.

They’ve loved before

And got hurt in the process

They are afraid to get hurt again

So they’ve become too careful

Too careful to give it away.

And they end up hurting each other,

Because they don’t want to be hurt again.

What’s that label you carry?

You do not have to accept that tag, that label, that name life has given you.

You can shake it off and get for yourself one that fits your taste and that looks like what you want to be called.

God can peel off that label for you and give you a brand new one tailored after His plan and purpose for your life.

Do not live your life behind the very label you hate. Shake it off. You deserve better than that.

 

 

 

When we first met

 

It was a dark day from the start

I walked down the winding street

Little knew I where I was headed

All I know, I needed a change.

It was a long and painful journey

Weary and worn and weak I was

Thirsting and hungering from my long long search

For peace and joy and who knows what.

It was a great encounter

A man I once heard could help my lot

Though I thought him cruel and crooked

Like many a man I’ve met in my life.

                                       They say He is a lowly Carpenter

But I find Him too gentle of touch to be

They say He came from little Nazareth

But I think Him too great there to belong

For all I know, He wiped my tears away

And washed me clean of all my slime

He made me think I ought to live

To make His mercies known to all