Archive for the ‘RELATIONSHIPS’ Category
Have you ever had to ask yourself this question? Especially when the hell you’re going through doesn’t look like anything positive can possibly come out of there?
Before I met my narcissist partner I was all insecurity, low self-esteem, low self-confidence….and all the lows you can imagine.
In fact I really felt so bad about myself; when he came love-bombing me I thought I’ve got the lever out of hell. He made me feel like a queen. But then, the bomb fell. He showed his hidden colors.
It was like I’d been taken up Mount Everest and then let down to crash into the rocks down the valley. I was in a worse state than he met me. Then I thought “If I do what he wants, he’ll stay and be the man he used to be”. All my efforts where but in vain.
Then the therapy started. I started searching for help; what kind of man can possible do this to a woman. Then I discovered narcissism. I studied it; I dissected it and labeled its parts. And then I knew the disease I’ve been suffering from.
When the diagnosis is correct, there is hope yet for the victim.
I’ve been on the healing journey and I just want to let the world know this;
- I’ve been healed of more than just the narcissistic abuse. Learning to get over it has helped me to build my self-confidence, self-worth and a sense of purpose and direction in life.
- I know what I want and I’m ready to go for it. I won’t settle for less.
- I’ve learned to take care of myself: feeding, dressing, relationships, relaxation…I really feel stronger and more confident than ever before.
He took me up Mount Everest and let me come crashing down. Once I had my back on the ground, I had no other option but to start a slow but steady climb to victory. I love the new me; I just love it here where I am.
Thank you Mr. narcissist. What you meant for evil, God has turned it for my good.
I choose to walk away
Away from the past, its hurts, pains and shame
I choose to walk away from the choices I made in the past
Choices that seemed so logical and beneficial
I opt for change, the willingness to embrace the future I do not yet see
I choose to part with my own understanding, the one that let me into that mess
I will depart from myself, the self that I trusted but got disappointed.
I’ve discovered a new me, a me that so pleases me
And I won’t let anything take that away from me.
Yes, I’ll call it the year of the Narc because he had his year in my life.
He came in, got what he wanted and walked away leaving me in utter shreds. He knew how to go about his business with tact and expertise. He bombed into my life like a meteor, showed me paradise and then took it away before I had the time to take a second bite. I was the queen of the season, the most sought after, the one and only desirable…then I began to dream big dreams and to see a great future, but like the mirage he’s always been, he vanished into the distance, leaving me in a state of despair to figure out for myself what the hell was going on in my world.
Then one day I stumbled on a blog that had everything to say about narcissists. I began to understand why I’ve always felt so lonely, not good enough; why I compromised so much and got so little; why I was called names, mocked and despised no matter how much effort I put in. I understood why he will choose to stay away for months when we had a hard talk; why he will continue to stay away even when I cried, begged, repented and promised to change just for him. (I stopped worshiping God and worshiped him instead)
But all this while he knew what he was up to. While I was perplexed and bewildered, he was playing his game and having fun. While I spent sleepless nights he was out there probably with “new supply”. Yes, Kim Saeed, your blog saved my life.
I went for “no contact”; failed once, twice and then thrice…because I kept thinking of the golden days and the possibility of having them back.
But one day I decided I’d had enough of tears for breakfast, lunch and supper. I took the great leap for good. That’s why I can now tell the story. That’s why I now help other women to see the light and leave the dark.
It was the year of the Narc. But God kept me through it so I can tell this story today. Narcissism is a terrible thing to endure. It hurts to the deepest parts of your being. Run for your life and let God help them if He would.
This is my experience during twelve months of hell on earth. I hope you never have to live there too.
Something wonderful happened to me this week.
The Lord told me to forgive some people who’ve hurt me so badly
and to go meet them and pray for them.
You could think it’s that easy, but I spent a sleepless night just imagining
how I will have to go down to those people who owe me
apologies, tell them I forgive them, then pray for them.
But I finally swallowed my pride and timidity and did just that.
When I began to pray with one of them, she just broke down to tears…especially when I
mentioned that I’m releasing her from the prison of my heart so that she can get blessed.
I just realized how much hurt I had been causing by keeping them in the prison of my heart.
At the end of it all, I felt so good, free and joyous. They too.
I challenge you to do same. Do not hold that person in the prison cell of your heart any longer. Do not even wait for God to say so.
Release them, pray for them and you will get blessed yourself.
It’s good to know God is not keeping someone in bondage because I, His servant have refused to forgive them.
Remember Jesus said, whom we forgive He will forgive too.