HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘child’

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he…

Have you ever heard yourself asking that kind of question? It happens at times that we get embarrassed by our own words and actions. Perhaps you meant well, but before you knew it you blew it and shamed yourself. Then you gave yourself a tag and started behaving like the label you gave yourself.

What motivates your choices in life? That could hold a clue to the reason why you keep acting the way you do.
The way you see yourself is very instrumental in determining the kind of decisions you make in life. If you see yourself as good, talented, cute and useful it will be reflected in your dress code, speech, the neighborhood you prefer and the kind of company you keep.

A person who thinks they are silly, dumb and good at nothing will act exactly that way. It will be reflected in the way they walk, talk and carry themselves. The kind of stuff you buy for yourself, the man you date, your dressing and eating habits all point to the way you see yourself.

It all begins in the mind. When you change your mind you will change your actions and you will change your life.
If you find yourself always going in for the cheap and ugly stuff, even when you could afford something better, it may be a sign that you have a bad self-image. You think that is all you deserve. You think the good things in life are meant for everyone else except you.

Take care of yourself. You have just one life to live. Like the desiderata says, “you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here…”

I don’t want to be like you mum!

Featured image What will you do if your own child looked at you in the face and made that kind of a statement? Will you consider them rude, ungrateful and mean? It might be they are rebellious and wanting to have their own way in life, or it might just be a call for you to take a deeper look at things you have ignored for so long. A better and more objective approach to such a statement will be to ask yourself a few questions.

  • Have I done something negatively outrageous of recent?
  • Has she discovered something I have been trying to hide from her?
  • Does the life I live inspire her to be proud to be my daughter?

The truth is that our children go through every bit of pain, trauma and stress we face in life. You could try to hide it as best as you can but the signs are always there. You might not say a word about it but they can read it on your face. Things are not working out between mum and dad. Mum has been crying in her bedroom. Dad has started staying out late at night again. Mum has become very sad and anxious ever since that lady moved into the neighborhood. Take a closer look. You might think your kid is shielded from the mess in your life whereas she’s really part of it, savoring every piece with you. That child might be hurting more than you are. You have a deeper understanding of the things that are going on in your life but she doesn’t. All she sees is the pain and stress on your face and she really want to help but doesn’t know how. When she says she doesn’t want to be like you, she is not trying to belittle or humiliate you. It is a cry for help. She is scared to death of having to live the same kind of life you live. Rather than get angry with them do something about yourself and give that innocent one a chance to live a different kind of life; to be happy. Get some help, even if it’s just for the sake of that child.

The dilemma of a foster parent.

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I will like to examine an issue that touches so many lives in our society and families. It is the situation of receiving foster children into our homes and caring for them.

It’s a very good thing to receive foster children into our homes and to love and care for them.But the challenges could become overwhelming.

will like to examine some issues I’ve learned from this kind of relationship based on my own experiences.

I know how some foster parents will go the extra mile to show how much they love their foster kids, but at the end of it, all they seem to get is “if my mum were here she would do better.” I admit it’s not easy to swallow that pill after you’ve done all you can to make their life comfortable. “If only she could show a little more appreciation for all we are doing for her.”

Let’s see it this way:

 

No matter how good you are as a foster parent, you will “never” be able to replace a child’s biological parents. Do not even try to give yourself that impossible task. In my part of the world we say “blood is thicker than water.” No matter how hard you try, somewhere deep down there that child keeps thinking of what she is missing out on by being away from home. Some of them actually think that life has conspired to keep them away from their parents; and you are one of the conspirators.

There will always be regrets related to a child leaving their home, even if they were abused there.

I’ve seen a some of them really integrate into their foster homes with satisfaction because they have been rescued from precarious situations. But if your own child doesn’t fit that way, don’t lose hope.

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What we should know is that some of those kids don’t even know what is wrong with them. They know that you love them and that you are doing everything to make them happy; but somehow they just can’t find that happiness. There seems to always be something missing. That missing link is the absence of that “kind of love that only their momma and daddy can give to them.”

This is a situation that creates a lot of misunderstanding between the two camps. The foster parents think the child is ungrateful while the child thinks they aren’t doing enough. The issue here is more psychological than emotional. This becomes even more complicated when children are against their will forced to live in foster conditions because of the circumstances of their lives. “Prison is prison…no matter how comfortable it gets.”

If you are a foster parent, this is the advice I can give to you:

Try as much as you can not to show to your foster kids that you are keeping them against your will. “I wish I could get rid of you one of these days.”

This can create in them a sense of rejection that will haunt them all their lives. Even when they become adults they could avoid visiting and staying in other people’s homes because they are haunted by the idea of not being welcome. They could find it difficult to appreciate hospitality because no matter how well you receive them they are too busy fearing the worse, to appreciate the good food, nice shower and comfortable bed you offered them.

Be honest and transparent enough to let them know that you aren’t trying to replace their parents; you really can’t do so even if you wanted to, and that you are doing your best to keep them comfortable; even it you can’t do it as their parents would.

Never devalue their biological parents in their face.

 

Do not say or do things that seem to suggest you have no respect for their biological parents. Again I say, “blood is thicker than water.” “Even if my mum is insane, she’s still my mum…if my father is a drug-addict, he’s still my dad. You are rich, you are educated, but you can’t replace my parents…” That’s how they will respond; at least in their minds, if they aren’t courageous enough to tell you that in your face.

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Do not compare your foster children to your biological kids.

“You’re not as intelligent as Suzy…you aren’t as smart as Benny.” We must admit that the play ground is not level. On one hand we have children who already feel as “unders” because of their circumstances and everything they do is somehow colored by that reality. Then we have another set of kids who feel on top because of their own circumstances. Some foster kids feel rejected and can’t really relate or fit in. consequently they do some “stupid things”, not because they are stupid but because of the mind set they carry. The more you scold such kids, the more errors they commit. Don’t let it become a vicious cycle.

Do not make the foster kids servants to the biological ones; make sure your own kids do not subject them to unfair treatment because they are not their siblings.

So many wrong things could be going on under your roof without you being aware of them. Keep an eye on the kind of relationship that exists between your kids and your foster children. Immediately correct any irregularities.

When your foster children become successful in life do not try to make them pay for the help they received from you.

If they wish to appreciate you, let it be their initiative. Do not make them do it. Some will prefer to help the parents who abandoned them earlier on; some will stick to the foster parents. Whatever the case may be, consider that you did what you thought best for them and that God alone can reward you. Do not squeeze it out of anyone.

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And you, foster kids, do not make life any harder for your foster parents. Cooperate. You are family.

 

 

 

Unconditional Love

 

It is very easy to love a baby when it is clean, dry, smiling and really fun to be with. Even a man will not mind carrying such a baby. The father will readily call it my baby, my own child. It is easy to love a woman who is beautiful, well-dressed, rich and of a refined character. Most men will pursue marriage with such.

Now, how about a baby that is wet with urine, and who is screaming at the top of its voice? What about an unkempt, nasty, poor and bad mannered lady. Who will take time to roll their sleeves, sit down and do the dirty work of cleaning up their mess because they love them even in the condition in which they are?

This is a picture of the kind of Love God has for us. In Romans 5:8, we are made to understand that while we were yet wallowing in our sins and mess, God was busy loving us to the extend of doing the dirty job of cleaning up our mess. This is unconditional love, love unparalleled and unexplainable. This ought to bring us down on our knees in honest worship and appreciation to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When I consider the great work God has done in my life, when I look back and realize how unbearable I used to be, I fall down in worship to my Lord.

             

…BUT I HAVE A MEDICAL REPORT

 

Those of us who have had some scary reports from the doctors can best understand the above statement. “Who has believed our report” asked prophet Isaiah. It is easy to say you trusted God and He healed you, when you get a tumor in your brain, pray, fast, go back to the doctor and it is gone. Praise the Lord, He has done it. But have you ever experienced what it feels like when God keeps saying you are healed, yet none of the symptoms is disappearing and the medical report does not show any change? Each time you go back to the doctor, the same ugly report is staring at you in the face.  What will you do? That is when your faith is really put to the test. Whose report will you believe? Both reports are demanding your attention; on one hand God’s own Word and on the other a piece of paper from a medical laboratory.

You know what? If you want to live, then get your eyes off that piece of paper and fasten them on God like the beggar at the Beautiful Gate. Never forget, the grass withers, the flower falls but God’s word endures forever (Isaiah 40:8). In fact, His word stands the test of time. Sometimes, God calms the storm but at other times, He calms His child. He can choose to heal you instantly or to take you on a healing journey. However, never let a piece of paper from a medical laboratory scare the faith out of you.

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