HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘cried’

The year of the Narc.

Yes, I’ll call it the year of the Narc because he had his year in my life.

He came in, got what he wanted and walked away leaving me in utter shreds. He knew how to go about his business with tact and expertise. He bombed into my life like a meteor, showed me paradise and then took it away before I had the time to take a second bite. I was the queen of the season, the most sought after, the one and only desirable…then  I began to dream big dreams and to see a great future, but like the mirage he’s always been, he vanished into the distance, leaving me in a state of despair to figure out for myself what the hell was going on in my world.

Then one day I stumbled on a blog that had everything to say about narcissists. I began to understand why I’ve always felt so lonely, not good enough; why I compromised so much and got so little; why  I was called names, mocked and despised no matter how much effort I put in. I understood why he will choose to stay away for months when we had a hard talk; why he will continue to stay away even when I cried, begged, repented and promised to change just for him. (I stopped worshiping God and worshiped him instead)

But all this while he knew what he was up to. While I was perplexed and bewildered, he was playing his game and having fun. While I spent sleepless nights he was out there probably with “new supply”. Yes, Kim Saeed, your blog saved my life.

I went for “no contact”; failed once, twice and then thrice…because I kept thinking of the golden days and the possibility of having them back.

But one day I decided I’d had enough of tears for breakfast, lunch and supper. I took the great leap for good. That’s why I can now tell the story. That’s why I now help other women to see the light and leave the dark.

It was the year of the Narc. But God kept me through it so I can tell this story today. Narcissism is a terrible thing to endure. It hurts to the deepest parts of your being. Run for your life and let God help them if He would.

This is my experience during twelve months of hell on earth. I hope you never have to live there too.

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THE GRACE TO OVERTAKE

 

When a year comes to an end and we get ready to begin a new year, it is a time for reflection. This reflection might be based on the successes and failures of the past year or an entire life time. For some, the conclusion is overwhelmingly positive while for others, there is really nothing to write home about. Some people feel like just throwing the towel, pulling up a white flag and quitting the fight. They have toiled but their efforts seem to be in vain.

No effort is ever in vain; even your mistakes and failures are a lesson to the future generation. Remember Thomas Edison.

For me, the past year has not been an easy one. I have walked down the same road most of you have trodden. There have been moments of joy but also times of great distress. I have cried and I have laughed. Sometimes, I have had to give my shoulders for others to cry on but at other times, I badly needed someone to offer me theirs. I gave encouraging words to people on some days but on others I did not feel like getting out of bed myself. But in all this I kept my eyes focused on God who gives life to the dead and calls those things that are not as if they were (Romans 4:17). Then I remember that I have been blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1:3). Even if I do not yet see them, I have God’s word that it shall come to pass.  I am alive and I have Jesus on my side: I still have all my chances.

In God’s kingdom, overtaking is permitted for those who are smart enough to take it by force. I might be the last in the race, but don’t give up on me yet because the race is not yet over. All I need is the grace for speed and acceleration. (Remember Perez-Genesis 38:29). I can still pursue, overtake and recover all that I have lost or failed to achieve provided I encourage myself in the Lord (1 Samuel 30:6, 8).

As we look forward to the unfolding of this year 2014, let us look forward to greater achievements in the future. And if we must look back, it should not be with regret but to gather momentum because we have on us an exceeding grace for acceleration, speed and overtaking.

 

 

 

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