The works Peggy did when she was still in her wilderness days were an effort to obtain solutions by her own power. They were not acts of faith based on the acceptance of God’s love. She wanted to help God to help her.
Whenever she failed to get what she wanted, because she thought she had already done all the “work” required to obtain what she wanted, she felt even more rejected and unloved. Then she went ahead to put in more effort to obtain more favor. This was gradually becoming a vicious cycle, and a very bleak one.
For so many years Peggy was in a “palace” but lived the life of a beggar.
When she finally understood who she was and what was hers by right she wanted to go look for the devil and give him a good whipping. How badly she had suffered because of the lies and deceptions of the devil all pointing to the fact that she didn’t deserve any good thing in life.
Before God delivered Peggy from that terrible mindset, she was really a victim when it came to relationships. She gave so much and received so little; in fact she didn’t even know how to receive from others. She thought it was her duty to give but never learned that it was her right to receive. She felt unworthy of good gifts. When you gave her something nice she would wonder why you ever bothered to do so. What had she done to deserve such a gifts? There were surely people out there who deserved it, not her.
Ever wanting to do things that would “make God happy”, she thought buying everything on the Christian market that had a God label on was a fine thing to do.
Peggy could never ask any big thing from God. She thought the good things were for others. She thought her past had already done so much harm to God and she wanted to “spare” God the trouble of having to do so much for her. She had never heard of God’s super-abundant love and mercy. By seeking only those things that were little and easy to get she was in her own way acknowledging that she was not supposed to “trouble” God; the God who had come down to her in her mess.
Little did she know that God felt hurt when she didn’t accept all His gifts to her.
Today she savors every good thing the Lord puts on her table with delight and relish.