HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘day’

The year of the Narc.

Yes, I’ll call it the year of the Narc because he had his year in my life.

He came in, got what he wanted and walked away leaving me in utter shreds. He knew how to go about his business with tact and expertise. He bombed into my life like a meteor, showed me paradise and then took it away before I had the time to take a second bite. I was the queen of the season, the most sought after, the one and only desirable…then  I began to dream big dreams and to see a great future, but like the mirage he’s always been, he vanished into the distance, leaving me in a state of despair to figure out for myself what the hell was going on in my world.

Then one day I stumbled on a blog that had everything to say about narcissists. I began to understand why I’ve always felt so lonely, not good enough; why I compromised so much and got so little; why  I was called names, mocked and despised no matter how much effort I put in. I understood why he will choose to stay away for months when we had a hard talk; why he will continue to stay away even when I cried, begged, repented and promised to change just for him. (I stopped worshiping God and worshiped him instead)

But all this while he knew what he was up to. While I was perplexed and bewildered, he was playing his game and having fun. While I spent sleepless nights he was out there probably with “new supply”. Yes, Kim Saeed, your blog saved my life.

I went for “no contact”; failed once, twice and then thrice…because I kept thinking of the golden days and the possibility of having them back.

But one day I decided I’d had enough of tears for breakfast, lunch and supper. I took the great leap for good. That’s why I can now tell the story. That’s why I now help other women to see the light and leave the dark.

It was the year of the Narc. But God kept me through it so I can tell this story today. Narcissism is a terrible thing to endure. It hurts to the deepest parts of your being. Run for your life and let God help them if He would.

This is my experience during twelve months of hell on earth. I hope you never have to live there too.

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Smile

Be generous with your smile this season

Someone is lonely, hurting, in pain.

They need the strength to face another day.

Don’t take it for granted that this is a season of joy

Some are still searching for that magic moment

Others are trying to balance that equation

That equation you get so easily.

Let someone know you care.

Give that smile away.

 

 

When you can’t trust anyone anymore, not even yourself

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where you couldn’t even trust yourself let alone another person?

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where God’s WORD became your sole friend, fan and fortifier, yet you didn’t even know if it’s God speaking?

Have you ever had so many divergent views on the same issue that you became stark raving confused?

I’ve been there. Below is a prayer I wrote to God some time ago. You may find some aspects of it very similar to what you have experienced at some time in your own walk with God.

Permit me to be a little transparent here. Be edified as you read.

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Lord, from day one I have prayed to you asking that if this thing is not from you then let it end and let us part ways. I have told you to take it away from me if it is not your will for me.

The more I prayed the more it is growing. So who is answering me now, You, my emotions or the devil?

Will you give me a stone if I ask for bread? A snake if I ask for fish? A scorpion if I ask for an egg?

Will you let grow that which is supposed to die?

Lord, how else am I supposed to pray? Please Daddy, if this is a trial, a test, let me pass it now for good.

Why must I suffer so much? Daddy, you see my heart. You know I love you and will willingly follow your leading when I’m sure it is you leading.

Why the divergent views Lord? Who is right and who is wrong? Are my emotions tricking me? Then help me out Lord.

Will satan fight against satan? If this relationship is from satan, then why is satan fighting it also?

Lord Jesus did you not say that satan won’t fight himself or he’ll fail?

Lord, is this your character? That I ask of you to take it away if it’s not from you and you rather make it grow the more? Will you do that to me Daddy? Why will you do that?

Do you take pleasure in afflicting your dear daughter? Will you also hide the truth from me?

If you do not tell me the truth, who will?

Lord, if I’m being deceived, show it to me.

If I’m living in self-deception show it to me.

If the devil is tricking me show it to me.

If you are talking and I’m not getting you show it to me.

For the sake of your Name and Kingdom tell me the truth Lord.

 

“…even with the little you have”.

I used to think that if I don’t get a good dose of joy myself, then I’m unable or unqualified to bring joy to other people’s lives. I’ve since changed my paradigm.

I’ve learned that it takes just a little effort and will power to make someone’s day.

When I share the little I have it goes out and comes back to me in a boomerang effect.

It’s selfish of me to think that because I don’t have what I want, I’ve got nothing to share.

I could be unhappy, but at the same time possessing the seed to someone’s happiness.

At Gethsemane, Jesus wasn’t happy about going to the cross. But He knew my happiness depended thereon. So He went.

Anybody can give when in affluence; true generosity is seen when we give out of little.

That city is bigger than your neighborhood

The neighborhood where you live and it’s reality should not define the way we see the entire city.

We have to get beyond our individual reality to properly appreciate life as a whole.

  • You were born in a palace; life is not just about living in palaces.
  • You got hurt by a woman; all women are not “hurters”.
  • You got jilted by the man you love; all men don’t jilt ladies.
  • You’ve been smiling since the day you were born; someone near you needs you in their life to give them their first smile in life.
  • A yellow-skinned man raped your daughter. All yellow-skinned men are not rapists.
  • You’ve lived in affluence all your life; some of your neighbors live on less than a dollar a day.

May our hearts be bigger than our personal experiences.

Let’s be open-minded; let’s look beyond our individual reality and we’ll find a lot of people we can help, and we’ll make the world a better place.

Asking for and receiving help: How good are you at it?

Do you feel comfortable asking for help? Do you with ease receive and appreciate help from others?

Let’s share our experiences in this area.

If your answer to the above questions is no, then read on as we examine some of the reasons why people feel uncomfortable with this.

  • You’ve always done it your way. You don’t want another person’s way out.
  • You’re used to doing it alone. You prefer the solo route.
  • You once asked for it and were rejected; you’re scared of rejection.
  • You’re too proud to admit you need help.
  • You think asking for help is a sign of weakness and insufficiency.
  • You have a false sense of responsibility; you don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
  • You don’t want to have to pay for it one day; you don’t like helping others yourself.
  • You just don’t know how to ask for help. You walk down to the fellow and then you walk pass them tongue-tight.
  • You don’t know how to receive and appreciate help; you’re afraid to mess up.

Whatever your own reason may be it is important to get to the root of it and get over it.

It feels very miserable to be in need of something someone wants to offer, yet be held back from asking for any reason whatsoever.

The world is full of people who want to help you. Do not shut them out of your life. Give them the opportunity to experience the joy of giving.

out of the blue

Fresh was the morning,

Great was the day,

Who could tell

What lay beyond the blue?

 

I knocked at the door,

I met with a smile,

Who could tell

What lay behind the veil?

 

I walked out the door,

Blind to all the world,

Who could tell me

What the future held?

 

Then I saw my Master’s Cross.

Then I heard Him say, ‘It is finished’.

And now I live to tell my story

Jesus heals and heals indeed.

 

 

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