Posts tagged ‘feedback’


When I look back on my life I discover that the time I was the hardest to please coincides with the time I hated myself the most. What is the relationship between these two realities?

If you do not like yourself, nobody else will be able to make you do it and you will be rather hard to please. Why do people hate themselves so?

  1. Long exposure to negative feedback. When people keep hitting it home that you are no good, you could end up accepting it and that will define the way you see yourself.
  2. Lack of positive feedback and appreciation for efforts you invest. When no one ever tells you it was well done you could start thinking you never do anything worth encouraging.
  3. Your best efforts always seem to produce the most mediocre results. You must find out what you are good at and excel therein. You can’t get your best grades in an area you are not gifted in.
  4. The kind of things that happened to you in the past. You might have messed up much too often. But remember, we all do mess up sometimes.
  5. Disabilities that make you look and feel different. This could be very tough, but not impossible to overcome. You need God’s grace for this one. God can enable you to love yourself in spite of any disability you carry.


When faced with self-hatred, we must not blame anyone for our condition. This will only lead to bitterness and that is not good either, for our emotional stability.

It will be an error to try to use our relationships as a means of finding happiness. Strive to get happy as an individual. If you want to get it out of others you might become too demanding and more difficult to please.

Don’t use other people’s successes and achievements as a means to your own happiness. They might no longer be there tomorrow and you will find yourself sinking even lower.

From my own experience I can tell you that getting a lot of stuff around you doesn’t help. A new house, a new car etc. will help you but only for a season.

Ask yourself if you can really be happy if all the stuff were taken away from you. If the answer is yes, then you are happy indeed, or let me say you are experiencing joy.

What do I do then?

  • Ask God to show you your intrinsic value. There is something about you that when you discover you will begin to sing, and then you will never stop singing ever.
  • Develop your potentials and become a blessing to others. There is great joy in giving. When you live your life helping others you will hardly get depressed.
  • Find out your weaknesses and accept them. Stop trying to wipe away your weaknesses by your efforts. If you fail you could become more depressed. Acknowledge them, bring them to God and leave them there.
  • Read the kind of books that will build up your self-image. Avoid going to places and being with people that speak negativity, that always try to bring you down.

Be happy apart from them, then you will be happy with them.

When you get into a relationship it should be to share what you have, not to get what you want.



I have a profound respect for people who ask to be rated. When we willingly submit to examination and grading, it could look like a little matter to those who find it easy to stand naked in the eyes of everyone and not feel vulnerable.

Whether you are asking to be rated in relation to your character, habits, performance or your looks, it takes a great deal of courage and self-confidence which you might not even be aware you possessed. The following are some of the elements I think constitute the internal chemistry of those who willingly ask for and even desire to be rated.

  1. They are courageous enough to face any negative verdict that can come from the raters.
  2. They have a positive self-image, enough to handle any kind of feedback from their audience.
  3. They have come to a place in life where they are no longer scared of what people think or say about them. They have such a powerful self-portrait that cannot be broken by people’s opinion.
  4. They are mature enough to handle criticism, whether constructive or destructive.

When you are animated by such a mind set you can’t easily be destabilized by the kind of rating you receive from your audience.

Now, what are the various kinds of reactions that are provoked in us when we subject ourselves to rating?

  1. We could become angry because the rating falls short of our expectations. You expected and ‘excellent’ but you got an ‘average’. This could be a sign that you still have much to learn and become mature. It could also be a sign of too much self-confidence. It is good to be confident, but your self-confidence should be built on a powerful foundation so that it doesn’t get easily eroded.
  2. We could develop a swollen head and begin to think ‘I beat them all. None can stand up to me’. Don’t get carried away by the “excellent” you got. It is just someone’s opinion. Celebrate your achievements but stay humble, reachable and teachable.
  3. We could become discouraged and depressed. “Well, I guess no one likes me around here. I give up’. Get for yourself an image that is independent of external views. Get to discover the intrinsic you. No amount of negative feedback can destroy your intrinsic value.
  4. We could show gratitude for the feedback we received. If it’s good, determine to do better. If it’s bad, determine to be good. Refuse to get upset with anyone. This is a mature and wise response to the rating experience. You are confident enough to handle critics and you are humble enough to acknowledge your weaknesses.When is the last time you asked someone to rate you?

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