Posts tagged ‘fun’

The year of the Narc.

Yes, I’ll call it the year of the Narc because he had his year in my life.

He came in, got what he wanted and walked away leaving me in utter shreds. He knew how to go about his business with tact and expertise. He bombed into my life like a meteor, showed me paradise and then took it away before I had the time to take a second bite. I was the queen of the season, the most sought after, the one and only desirable…then  I began to dream big dreams and to see a great future, but like the mirage he’s always been, he vanished into the distance, leaving me in a state of despair to figure out for myself what the hell was going on in my world.

Then one day I stumbled on a blog that had everything to say about narcissists. I began to understand why I’ve always felt so lonely, not good enough; why I compromised so much and got so little; why  I was called names, mocked and despised no matter how much effort I put in. I understood why he will choose to stay away for months when we had a hard talk; why he will continue to stay away even when I cried, begged, repented and promised to change just for him. (I stopped worshiping God and worshiped him instead)

But all this while he knew what he was up to. While I was perplexed and bewildered, he was playing his game and having fun. While I spent sleepless nights he was out there probably with “new supply”. Yes, Kim Saeed, your blog saved my life.

I went for “no contact”; failed once, twice and then thrice…because I kept thinking of the golden days and the possibility of having them back.

But one day I decided I’d had enough of tears for breakfast, lunch and supper. I took the great leap for good. That’s why I can now tell the story. That’s why I now help other women to see the light and leave the dark.

It was the year of the Narc. But God kept me through it so I can tell this story today. Narcissism is a terrible thing to endure. It hurts to the deepest parts of your being. Run for your life and let God help them if He would.

This is my experience during twelve months of hell on earth. I hope you never have to live there too.

Unconditional Love


It is very easy to love a baby when it is clean, dry, smiling and really fun to be with. Even a man will not mind carrying such a baby. The father will readily call it my baby, my own child. It is easy to love a woman who is beautiful, well-dressed, rich and of a refined character. Most men will pursue marriage with such.

Now, how about a baby that is wet with urine, and who is screaming at the top of its voice? What about an unkempt, nasty, poor and bad mannered lady. Who will take time to roll their sleeves, sit down and do the dirty work of cleaning up their mess because they love them even in the condition in which they are?

This is a picture of the kind of Love God has for us. In Romans 5:8, we are made to understand that while we were yet wallowing in our sins and mess, God was busy loving us to the extend of doing the dirty job of cleaning up our mess. This is unconditional love, love unparalleled and unexplainable. This ought to bring us down on our knees in honest worship and appreciation to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. When I consider the great work God has done in my life, when I look back and realize how unbearable I used to be, I fall down in worship to my Lord.




Those of us who have had some scary reports from the doctors can best understand the above statement. “Who has believed our report” asked prophet Isaiah. It is easy to say you trusted God and He healed you, when you get a tumor in your brain, pray, fast, go back to the doctor and it is gone. Praise the Lord, He has done it. But have you ever experienced what it feels like when God keeps saying you are healed, yet none of the symptoms is disappearing and the medical report does not show any change? Each time you go back to the doctor, the same ugly report is staring at you in the face.  What will you do? That is when your faith is really put to the test. Whose report will you believe? Both reports are demanding your attention; on one hand God’s own Word and on the other a piece of paper from a medical laboratory.

You know what? If you want to live, then get your eyes off that piece of paper and fasten them on God like the beggar at the Beautiful Gate. Never forget, the grass withers, the flower falls but God’s word endures forever (Isaiah 40:8). In fact, His word stands the test of time. Sometimes, God calms the storm but at other times, He calms His child. He can choose to heal you instantly or to take you on a healing journey. However, never let a piece of paper from a medical laboratory scare the faith out of you.

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