HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘journey’

HOW I DISCOVERED MY CALLING AND PURPOSE (My Testimony)

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This post is in response to a request from a fellow blogger and reader based on the last post I published titled “Why I got out of bed this morning”. In this post I said my life took a completely new turn (a positive turn) when God showed me my purpose.

My fellow blogger wanted me to share my experience; how I came to discover my purpose. I will just give a run down of how it all started up till this moment.

The early part of my life was littered with verbal, sexual and physical abuse. I’ve known rejection, disease and acute poverty. This to me was the normal since I didn’t have access to another kind of life.

Due to these conditions I became an adolescent and young woman who suffered immensely from low self-esteem, inferiority complex and insecurities. I hated myself, and the kind of choices I made later in life simply confirmed my state of mind. I became frustrated by my choices and the inability of others to understand what I was going through.

I gave my life to Christ while studying to become a professional teacher. I came to Christ with a heavy load of troubles. My life was meaningless and dirty in my own very eyes.

Although I was envied by many for my academic success, I hated myself so much.

Once in the church, things did not get right immediately. There was a battle for my soul. God had rescued me but the devil wanted me so badly. This opened up the avenue for constant spiritual warfare. Very early on in my Christian journey I learned how to fast, pray and rebuke evil spirits (They were all over me).

I had to seek solutions, and I sought them wherever I thought possible. I attended crusades, bought books and tapes, asked to be prayed for and then fasted and prayed on my own. But this didn’t prove to be the magic wand I expected.

Little did I know that God had destined me to be His servant and that all what I was going through was part of the training for ministry. Sometimes I thought God didn’t care about me. I then wanted to die. I really wanted to end the stress and trauma because that is all my life comprised of.

During the early stages of my conversion I began to have these “strange” dreams and visions wherein I found myself ministering prayer, healing and deliverance to people. I later understood through the teachings I was exposed to that God was showing me my calling. At that stage I didn’t understand much of it.

Also, I once heard a sermon that really shook the foundation of my Christianity and pushed me to seek God deeper. The preacher challenged Christians to stop being those who “sit and watch” while others serve in the church.

I must admit that I didn’t like the way he described those of us who were not in active service in God’s house. I felt a holy anger in me that sent me on my knees asking God what He wanted me to do in His house.

I attended foundation classes for new converts. There, I learned the difference between general service and specialized service. The former is for those who do not yet know their particular area of calling and the latter is for those who already know exactly what God has called them to do.

I was challenged and I began to serve in the church. I have served with the cleaners, the hospitality team; I’ve been a Sunday school teacher, an intercessor, the intercessors’ leader, a member of the women’s ministry among others. Then one day when Pastor was transferred I was asked to assume the interim until a new Pastor was sent to the church.

I learned a lot in these various capacities. This general service established my foundation as a Christian and gave me a base for ministry.

As I continued serving in the church and spending time in intimacy with God He began to show me my area of specialization. This was facilitated by the books I read, tapes I listened to, sermons I heard, other men and women of God I observed, prophecy, and then seminars and workshops I attended.

I never missed any opportunity to attend conferences and seminars even if I had to forgo other needs just to afford the transportation I needed. I was hungry for more of God and He honored my hunger with deeper knowledge about Himself and His call on my life. I always came back from the events enriched and refreshed.

But I still had issues. Only gradually did God take them away one at a time.

I’ll like to cite a few of the resources which among others really helped me during my search.

  1. Your season is getting ready to change by Pastor Paula White (tape).
  2. The Assignment, the Dream and the Destiny by Dr. Mike Murdock (book).
  3. Maximize Your Potential by Dr. Myles Monroe (book).
  4. Tough Times Never Last, but tough people do by Dr. Robert Schuller (book).
  5. The confident woman by Joyce Meyer (book).

I accessed other numerous resources by servants of God like Bishop T.D. Jakes, Arch Bishop Benson Idahosa, just to name these few. (I’ve read a mountain of books and I’ve bought a great number of tapes. I’ve been to so many conferences and I’ve sat down to talk to not a few servants of God).

In the end God made me to understand that He let me go through hell so that I would help others come out of hell. I’m a survivor called to reach out to others and help them survive.

But in all these, God’s grace has been superabundant in my life. I owe it all to His mercy and favor.

If not for His grace, there’s no other reason why I should be alive today.

What I can say is that it takes patience, intimacy with God, the willingness to learn, to sacrifice and endurance, when things seem to go directly opposite to what God had promised you through dreams, visions, prophecy and especially His own Word, the Bible.

I’m still searching and I’m still learning. I agree with the Apostle Paul:

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14).

I hope and pray someone is inspired by this resume of my testimony to seek God more and to get to know Him in a deeper dimension.

You are blessed in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

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How hard she tried to earn his love!

Coming from a background of rejection Peggy knows how far one can go to earn love and acceptance. Growing up and feeling unwanted and unworthy she quickly became the kind of person who will endure all, do all and receive all…if there was even a slight chance of “getting some love and acceptance.”
When she came to know God in a more personal way, she wanted to relate to Him the same way she’s been relating with other humans. She grew up working hard to earn almost everything. So Peggy thought if she worked real hard God will love her more.
The consequence of the low self-image she suffered was that she thought she could gain esteem by working harder than everyone else. This will make her a better person, an accepted person.
She did a lot of things for God, not because she had to but because she thought it will make Him love her more and accept her. She thought by adding her signature to anything that had a Jesus label on it, God would be so happy. So Peggy ended up with accumulated errors and mistakes.
At that time, giving, fasting and other Christian activities were not done as a response to God’s love for her. They were done to earn that love.
She was really too hard on herself; and when God didn’t answer her as she expected Him to do, (as response to her hard work), she felt very dejected and let down.
Then God took her on a journey; a journey to know Him; a journey to receive love and acceptance without “paying” for it somehow.
As if to shock her out of that wrong mind set, God started using her at a time she was still feeling very “unworthy.” In the end, she realized it’s not how much she does, but how much God had done through Christ’s death on the cross.
She was freed from that bondage and she’s been free ever since. Peggy never tries to earn anything from God any longer. She now knows all things are hers because Christ paid the price for that.
Peggy is now living the Christian life as God wants her to live.

When we first met

 

It was a dark day from the start

I walked down the winding street

Little knew I where I was headed

All I know, I needed a change.

It was a long and painful journey

Weary and worn and weak I was

Thirsting and hungering from my long long search

For peace and joy and who knows what.

It was a great encounter

A man I once heard could help my lot

Though I thought him cruel and crooked

Like many a man I’ve met in my life.

                                       They say He is a lowly Carpenter

But I find Him too gentle of touch to be

They say He came from little Nazareth

But I think Him too great there to belong

For all I know, He wiped my tears away

And washed me clean of all my slime

He made me think I ought to live

To make His mercies known to all

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