HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘kids’

Beyond the Surface

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It’s not just about having followers

It’s more about having followers who really do follow

It’s not just about having likes

It’s more about having likes that come from the heart

It’s not just about having a church

It’s more about having a church that transforms the church-goer

It’s not just about having a job

It’s more about giving our best at that job

It’s not just about having kids

It’s more about experiencing the joy of parenthood

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It’s not just about having a spouse

It’s more about finding the bone of my bone

It’s not just about being educated

It’s more about being transformed by our education

It’s not just about having a leadership position

It’s more about leading people in the right direction

It’s not just about giving

It’s more about becoming a gift to my generation

It’s not just about saying something

It’s more about meaning what we say.

We all are tired of the superficial;

Let’s peel the layers and get deeper;

I love it real and authentic…and you?

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TOO EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED? IT’S TIME TO GET GOING.

Life is made up of times and seasons. We are called upon to move on from one place, situation and level to another. This will happen to each one of us from time to time. There are moments of transition and there are new challenges and targets to handle all the times.

We can’t grow, make progress or even succeed in life if we get stuck in one position.
The problem with people like me is that we often get too emotionally attached to some situations that are meant to be only temporary; a job, a mentor, a habitation etc. It becomes difficult to let go and keep going when it’s time to break camp and advance.

In my own experience, God has dealt with this issue in my life in a number of ways:
A. He sometimes provokes a conflict that will then end up kicking me out of my comfort zone.
B. He sometimes incites people to reject and hate me outright. This is usually when I insist on holding unto a dead end- a relationship that has come to its natural end.
c. I have had situations where I was moved to hate an environment; this as preparation for me to move to a new location. Isn’t it amazing that the things that you loved and cherished yesterday have become simply unbearable to you today? Perhaps it’s time to move on.

 Now, let’s be very careful here. There are things you are not permitted to move on from. You can’t just move on from your marriage, spouse and kids because you no longer feel like staying on. You will be hurting a whole lot of people and bringing more disorder and pain in society. You can’t move on from your assignment because things have become too tough. God calls us for life, not for ‘as long as it feels good’.

 Sometimes the movement is not necessarily physical. It might be emotional or psychological; you may have to stop engaging in a certain activity, dressing in a particular style or treating someone in a particular manner. For instance, when your children become adolescents you move on from the way to used to talk to them when they were just little kids.

 Remember, there is no promotion without movement (physical or mental). If you resist moving on when it is the time to do so you could miss out on what God wants to do in your life for that season. You could then be stuck on one spot all your life.
On your marks, get set, move…

The dilemma of a foster parent.

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I will like to examine an issue that touches so many lives in our society and families. It is the situation of receiving foster children into our homes and caring for them.

It’s a very good thing to receive foster children into our homes and to love and care for them.But the challenges could become overwhelming.

will like to examine some issues I’ve learned from this kind of relationship based on my own experiences.

I know how some foster parents will go the extra mile to show how much they love their foster kids, but at the end of it, all they seem to get is “if my mum were here she would do better.” I admit it’s not easy to swallow that pill after you’ve done all you can to make their life comfortable. “If only she could show a little more appreciation for all we are doing for her.”

Let’s see it this way:

 

No matter how good you are as a foster parent, you will “never” be able to replace a child’s biological parents. Do not even try to give yourself that impossible task. In my part of the world we say “blood is thicker than water.” No matter how hard you try, somewhere deep down there that child keeps thinking of what she is missing out on by being away from home. Some of them actually think that life has conspired to keep them away from their parents; and you are one of the conspirators.

There will always be regrets related to a child leaving their home, even if they were abused there.

I’ve seen a some of them really integrate into their foster homes with satisfaction because they have been rescued from precarious situations. But if your own child doesn’t fit that way, don’t lose hope.

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What we should know is that some of those kids don’t even know what is wrong with them. They know that you love them and that you are doing everything to make them happy; but somehow they just can’t find that happiness. There seems to always be something missing. That missing link is the absence of that “kind of love that only their momma and daddy can give to them.”

This is a situation that creates a lot of misunderstanding between the two camps. The foster parents think the child is ungrateful while the child thinks they aren’t doing enough. The issue here is more psychological than emotional. This becomes even more complicated when children are against their will forced to live in foster conditions because of the circumstances of their lives. “Prison is prison…no matter how comfortable it gets.”

If you are a foster parent, this is the advice I can give to you:

Try as much as you can not to show to your foster kids that you are keeping them against your will. “I wish I could get rid of you one of these days.”

This can create in them a sense of rejection that will haunt them all their lives. Even when they become adults they could avoid visiting and staying in other people’s homes because they are haunted by the idea of not being welcome. They could find it difficult to appreciate hospitality because no matter how well you receive them they are too busy fearing the worse, to appreciate the good food, nice shower and comfortable bed you offered them.

Be honest and transparent enough to let them know that you aren’t trying to replace their parents; you really can’t do so even if you wanted to, and that you are doing your best to keep them comfortable; even it you can’t do it as their parents would.

Never devalue their biological parents in their face.

 

Do not say or do things that seem to suggest you have no respect for their biological parents. Again I say, “blood is thicker than water.” “Even if my mum is insane, she’s still my mum…if my father is a drug-addict, he’s still my dad. You are rich, you are educated, but you can’t replace my parents…” That’s how they will respond; at least in their minds, if they aren’t courageous enough to tell you that in your face.

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Do not compare your foster children to your biological kids.

“You’re not as intelligent as Suzy…you aren’t as smart as Benny.” We must admit that the play ground is not level. On one hand we have children who already feel as “unders” because of their circumstances and everything they do is somehow colored by that reality. Then we have another set of kids who feel on top because of their own circumstances. Some foster kids feel rejected and can’t really relate or fit in. consequently they do some “stupid things”, not because they are stupid but because of the mind set they carry. The more you scold such kids, the more errors they commit. Don’t let it become a vicious cycle.

Do not make the foster kids servants to the biological ones; make sure your own kids do not subject them to unfair treatment because they are not their siblings.

So many wrong things could be going on under your roof without you being aware of them. Keep an eye on the kind of relationship that exists between your kids and your foster children. Immediately correct any irregularities.

When your foster children become successful in life do not try to make them pay for the help they received from you.

If they wish to appreciate you, let it be their initiative. Do not make them do it. Some will prefer to help the parents who abandoned them earlier on; some will stick to the foster parents. Whatever the case may be, consider that you did what you thought best for them and that God alone can reward you. Do not squeeze it out of anyone.

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And you, foster kids, do not make life any harder for your foster parents. Cooperate. You are family.

 

 

 

EVERY STAR HAS ITS PLACE IN THE SKY

No star can take the place of another in the sky.

No matter how bright the sun is it can’t replace the moon at night.
No matter how beautiful the moon is at night, it can’t replace the sun by day.
We are all stars, each person in his or her function, position and capacity.
So why do we often feel threatened by the brightness of a fellow star?
Because you have not yet discovered how bright a star you could be yourself.
You have not discovered just how important you are as a unique star with your own qualities peculiar to you.
No one can sing like you.
No one can love your kids and spouse like you do.
You alone can do that for which you were positioned up there in the sky.
We are all stars created by God.
Occupy your own position and shine as much as you can.
But be sure you are shining in your own position.

THEY WANT TO NAME YOUR BABY

 

            The events surrounding the birth of John the Baptist were quite interesting and breath-taking. Be it the appearance of the angel to Zachariah, the visit by Mary and the baby’s reaction still in the womb, Zachariah’s dumbness and the naming of the baby; all these events were very peculiar.

But what I want to look at here is the particular incident where relatives and friends of the family showed up at the naming ceremony with a name for the child. “And it came to pass, that on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child: and they called him Zachariah, after the name of his father” (Luke 1:59). I do not doubt the good faith that characterised this action especially as everyone was rejoicing with this family. But I want to warn against the habit of naming people’s babies.

You know a few details about my life, my background and my family history. You saw me grow up and you know a little about my struggles; then you begin to think that you are qualified to name my baby, to determine where I should school, who I should marry, how many kids I should have and which car I have to drive. You do not care to ask me what name I want to give my baby because you already have one for him. He will be called Zachariah like his father; he will be called poverty like his father, she will be called harlot just like her mother, she will be called failure like her sister… and the list continues.

Thank God Elizabeth is a woman with revelation; thank God Zachariah has been in intimacy with God; thank God for their ability to say no to the suggestions of human logic and wisdom. Otherwise, they would have named their baby after public opinion and the child’s destiny would have been compromised. I don’t care whether there never was a John the Baptist in my family before, I don’t care if no one ever went to College, own a company, ride a car, buy a house…, all I know is that I have met God in the most holy place and He has told me some really ground breaking things. I may not be qualified for it but He said it and that settles it. My baby will be called John the Baptist and not Zachariah, period.

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