HEALING BROKEN HEARTS AND WOUNDED SOULS

Posts tagged ‘rejection’

Thank you

Thank you for depriving me

You have taught me to seek and to find

Thank you for rejecting me

It has taught me to love me

Thank you for ostracizing me

It has taught me to like my own company

Thank you for victimizing me

It has taught me to fight back like a lioness

Thank you for despising me

It has put in me the thirst for achievement

Thank you for silencing me

I have become a voice for the voiceless

Thank you for the wounds you inflicted in me

I have become a healer of wounded souls; and I love it.

What you meant for evil

The Lord has turned for my good.

Thank you.

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The hardest part of Christianity: Living the crucified life

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If I’m sharing this, it’s not because I’ve crossed the finished line and can now turn around and mentor those who are still behind. I still have my own struggles in this area; but as I learn, I share to bless others.

What does it mean to live the crucified life?

  • Putting God first in everything I do. Not seeking my own pleasure first, but seeking to please Him first.
  • Always seeking to know what He desires and wants me to do in each situation.
  • Willingness to suffer rejection, humiliation, persecution and pain for His sake.
  • The willingness to accept His will even at my own inconvenience.
  • Acceptance that my own wishes, desires, will and pleasure are valid only if He validates them.
  • Refusal to take the glory for any victory won, but giving all the glory to Him.
  • The ability to say “Thy will be done”, from the very bottom of my heart.

Folks, this is the hardest part of Christianity and those who have attained to it receive of His spirit without measure.

May the Lord Himself help us to attain to such full stature so that we can indeed be His ambassadors on the earth.

When God does “dumb” things, Grace is at work

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Say God sends His prophet to marry a whore…why will God ever do such a dumb thing?

God wants to send home a message to His people and that message is that He loves them; that it hurts to love and not be loved in turn. The message of love (grace) is more important than upholding the law.

So God sends His prophet to go get a taste of unrequited love and rejection.

God makes us a message so that we can speak the message with first hand experiential knowledge.

There is something about preaching your message, your own experience.

Prophet Hosea should be stoned for calling himself a prophet of God, yet playing around with a harlot. That is my own judgment on the matter. I’m a human being.

No! He won’t get a death sentence. His is an instruction directly from the throne room and grace from that same throne covers him. There is no telling what could happen to you if you try to get for yourself your own harlot.

We can imitate people’s actions but not the grace of God upon their lives.

  • He slept with a lady, killed her man and married her (David). He is the man after God’s heart.
  • He killed an Egyptian and fled into the desert (Moses). He is the great prophet and leader of Israel.
  • He ruthlessly and heartlessly persecuted and killed Christian (Saul of Tarsus). He is one of the most impactful people in history.

So what is this God up to?

It was never by qualification or self-righteousness. Our own righteousness is but like filthy rags in His eyes (Isaiah 64:6).

Say you do something really dumb, terrible and repugnant. Then you quickly retreat into your bedroom, fall on your knees and start imploring God’s mercy and forgiveness. But all this while you are actually begging Him not to release the thunder bolt and hailstones He’s preparing to rain down on you. You are trembling with fear, shame and guilt and you can’t look God in the face. You cry out in despair “Kill me Lord, I’m not worthy…I’m no good.”

While you are still kneeling there and waiting for the verdict you hear a sound somewhere deep within your spirit “…It is well, it is well with my soul…”

You quickly rebuke yourself for being so “stupid”. How can I be singing such a song when I’m supposed to hang myself for what I just did? You even apologize to God for such a bad conduct. Yet that song won’t go away. You feel like a miserable criminal awaiting a life sentence but your spirit is singing another song.

That is grace. Pure and unadulterated. Will you receive it?

I used to fight that gentle voice with every ounce of energy in me. Imagine I’m reeking of fear and then I hear my spirit singing “fear not…” I’m feeling really guilty and then all I hear is “it is well with my soul…” I’m dead worried about paying the bills, then all I hear is “all things are possible to those who believe”.

Then one day I realized I have been fighting against God’s grace. That “contrary” song welling up from within me is God’s message of grace to me in that situation. I don’t need to feel like that song before I can accept, believe and sing it. I just ignore my emotions and start to sing it out loud.

Grace does not condemn. It encourages us to say “yes” to God’s love.

I came from a background where I had to earn it all through hard work and good works.

Receiving God’s unmerited favor was quite an issue for me. I didn’t understand why God should just give me things, do things for me or pardon my folly without me having to do something to earn it. I always wanted to do something in return. Then one day God got tired of my wrong mindset and came up with a strategy just for me.

He let me mess up so badly and so many times that I thought “woe is me, I’m undone…I’m no good. I’m an embarrassment to you Lord; kill me so that I don’t bring more shame on you…”

I was kneeling there like a condemned criminal waiting for my sentencing. You know what? I instead heard that song “…it is well, it is well with my soul.”

You will ask me, does God condone sin then? No! His grace is bigger than His anger.

God will suspend one of the laws for a season, for a reason and for a person so that a bigger purpose can be achieved. That does not make Him unrighteous. It makes Him sovereign and very merciful.

 

When I waited for condemnation and all I got was love, I began to understand the depth of God’s love and grace for me. I’m a product of grace and I’m sent forth to spread the message of God’s grace.

When I expected rejection and rather got another round of God’s love that is when I began to understand the God I have been “serving” for years. I just realized I never knew Him before.

Since I was the kind of person who always wanted to fix it all on my own, God allowed situations in my life that neither money nor relationships, nor talents nor networking could ever solve. I mean impossible situations. I fought, I networked, and I prayed and fasted…no solution.

Then I learned the song… “I surrender all…”

For how long has God been trying to bring you to the end of yourself so that you can start trusting Him? For how long has He been trying to bring you to an understanding of His grace? How much longer will He stand with outstretched hands while you run about trying to fix it all by your own effort?

I invite you to sing with me…”I surrender all…”

You hate the white flag. You don’t want to see it, let alone use it. But for this situation God is telling you “pull the white flag my child. I can’t come to your rescue until you pull that white flag.”

Don’t try another recipe; ask for God’s own recipe.

 

 

THROW OFF THE CLOAK OF REJECTION

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There are behavioral patterns that are set in motion when one has had to suffer rejection of any kind. You might not even be aware of it but they stick to you and stick out their heads in your daily activities.

But it is possible to live a normal life without carrying that cloak around. Victims of rejection could manifest some or all of these behavioral patterns.

  • They suffer from low self-esteem. They think there is something lacking in their lives; that they are not worthy and that is why they were rejected in the first place.
  • There is an internal emptiness and pain as they yearn to be considered “normal” but all they get is prejudice. Every human being, no matter how bad yearns to belong and be loved.
  • People who have suffered rejection could easily become men-pleasers in an attempt to be accepted by them. They could become too good or too bad depending on the demands of the group they want to belong to.
  • It can lead to anti-social behavior. They could join groups or gangs that engage in anti-social behavior as a way of lashing out at the society that has rejected them.
  • Some of the victims tend to search for love and acceptance in the wrong places; they could end up in promiscuous behavior and even prostitution. This then leads to abusive relationships and the vicious circle of rejection starts all over.
  • Even when they become Christians they want to earn God’s love and acceptance. They may engage in some form of penitence and activism thinking it will make God love them more. They feel unworthy before God and are constantly afraid of being rejected by Him even for the minutest mistakes they make.
  • They are afraid to ask God for big things thinking they are asking for too much from a God who might just be coping with them.

What is the way out of such a trap? I do not have a magic formula but I will share some of the things that helped me get over the rejection syndrome in my life.

  • Make a conscious decision to throw off that cloak of rejection just as Bartimaus threw off his beggar’s cloak. Let it be clear to you that no matter how bad people say you are there is an unexploited treasure deep within you. You have gifts, talents and qualities that no one has ever discovered. It is possible that the rejection you suffered is just one of the satanic strategies meant to keep you from ever reaching your full potential in life. Do not believe his lies; you are not useless because God created no useless person.
  • Stop listening to people’s opinion about you and start learning about who God says you are. This has had the greatest and most influential impact on my life. When I was growing up I heard a lot of abusive words that made me feel rejected and estranged. They created a very negative self-image in me. It took the word of God to delete them from my mind and to reprogram my mind according to who God says I am. That is when the suicidal thoughts vanished because I had found my worth in Christ.
  • Avoid the trap of banding yourself with people with similar problems as a way of finding comfort and consolation. A man can only give what he has. They will speak and act just what is in them and you do not want to get dragged deeper into it. Read inspirational books, attend some motivational conferences and hang out with motivated people. If you must join a group, it should be one that helps people get out of such issues.
  • Discover and develop your gifts and talents. The day I started discovering my gifts and talents everything changed. I no longer felt like a useless consumer of the resources on planet earth. I felt like a contributor. I had something some one needed and this completely changed the way I saw myself. Everyone is gifted and the fact that you are not yet using your gift to bless others does not mean it is not there. You might not be like that great preacher or singer but you might have that ability to make people laugh. Start making people laugh and before you know it you will be in demand, and then the perfume of rejection will vanish from your life.

It won’t go away.

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She was the only one in the family who never went to college; she was the only one who had an abortion and had a baby out of wedlock. She alone got divorced and brought shame to the reputable family name. She also had an issue with drugs and hung out with the wrong company.

Her siblings and lived in a world very different from the one she knew. Her parents were embarrassed by her attitude and wondered who could have brought such a strange seed into the family blood line.

Then to put the final icing on the cake, she left home. If she ever thought this will break the heart of her parents then she was very wrong. Her departure was a welcome relief. ‘The plague that soiled the family name was finally wiped off.’ No one missed her; no one cried that evening when everyone came back from church and realized her stuff was gone; she too.

Years later, a shadow was seen in the distance approaching the house with cautious and calculated steps. The autumn sunset could not hide the deep contemplative expression on her face. The front door opened; she could not find it in herself to smile at the faces and eyes that seemed to see through her. But the expression on those faces didn’t encourage her in that direction either.

“Mama, I came back…I’ve changed mama…I’m no longer the same person who left home. I want to be part of the family again….”

The look on mama’s face told her to stop it. She wasn’t welcome back home. She could stay, but she wasn’t welcome.

She had changed indeed. She had put some order in her life. She had swept under the carpet, emptied her closet and dusted the platforms; but for some reason her past kept haunting her. No one wanted to believe in the new version of her. That same cold look on their faces.

Her presence in the house forced a new regime and lifestyle on other members of the family. ‘Don’t leave your purse carelessly around. Lock your room when you go out…’the list goes on.

How she longed to be seen as a normal person. How she yearned to be just another child, mama’s child. Who saw the tears she cried in secret, praying and hoping that they will see how much she had laid down and how much more she had taken up on the road of self-realization.

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“If I could just be forgiven, accepted, loved and trusted then I will show them how much I’ve learned and how much more and want to learn.”

She has changed; she has become a Christian. But for some reason, neither church nor family dare give her a second chance. So where does she go from here?

Those who have given up on you will soon start rewriting their journal entries. Be faithful on the good path you have chosen and do not quit in the face of adversity.

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