This is a very unusual thing to say to anybody isn’t it? Not so when life has wiped off laughter from your mouth and you need to learn how to laugh again.
I met a man some time ago and we sat down to discuss about our Christian faith. I soon noticed that he had a very unusual way of laughing. When he laughed, he would cover his mouth with his hand and bend his head as if to hide his face and then he will laugh as though he were buying it in ounces. It was as if he was afraid to use too much of the scarce laughter available in the world. It was as though he didn’t have a right to it… he looked pathetic in his gestures.
When I got to investigate this phenomenon I soon realized this man has gone through so much in life that he had forgotten that laughter is a gift from God. To him, the good things of life, even things as natural and accessible as laughter were not his by right. unconsciously he wanted to apologize for using it. He laughed as though he was stealing someone’s laughter.
You may find this strange. You may be saying ” I am not like that, I can laugh freely … Let me find out from you. When you go to the market or the mall what section automatically attracts your attention? Do you always want to go for the cheap and the ugly even when the nice stuff is cheap and accessible? And when you finally find enough courage to go to the nice stuff you feel so unworthy of it and you walk as though you are going where angels fear to tread. It is possible poverty has messed up your mind the way it did mine. If our man needs to learn how to laugh, you need to learn how to go for the good things in life.
I am a survivor, a survivor of sexual abuse, rejection, poverty and hatred. This started at birth right through to my teenage years. It really messed me up. When Jesus saved me and started teaching me through His word that I was not what the world said I was, it was not easy for me to accept my new identity in Christ. I have heard too many abusive words that simply programed me as a disaster waiting to happen.
Sexual abuse led to low self-esteem and no self-value. I did not have respect for my body, consequently I gave it away cheaply which led to more sexual abuse. You know the vicious cycle that follows. I was searching for love but from the wrong places due to the rejection I has suffered; but all those men wanted was my body and nothing more. They did not care about my heart condition. I lived a secret life of fear, suspicion and mistrust because I always expected someone to hurt me. I became defensive in everything I did, becoming very tough and difficult to get along with. This led to more rejection since no one understood the root of my problems. I lived a double kind of life.
Poverty messed me up too. When God started blessing me it was not easy for me to accept that I can have enough money in my pocket. Whenever it happened, I saw it as unusual and this pushed me to want to spend it all at once and go back to my familiar state of poverty. I bought so much junk and cheap stuff it became a bore as it took up so much breathing space in my life. I just could not handle money.
Relationships were a nightmare. I just expected people to hurt, abuse and betray me as in the past, consequently I could not easily trust people. The worse of it is that even in the church were I expected to find solace, some unscrupulous brothers and sisters added some vinegar to my wounds. It took God Himself to wipe out the hurt. I learned the hard way to love everyone but to trust God alone because He alone is perfect.
Why am I saying all of this? It is not to provoke pity for me. God has healed my wounds already and is still committed to healing those I will ever receive. I want you to know that there is healing in Christ no matter what you have been through. Ask of God the divine capacity to forgive, forget and live your life like nothing bad ever happened to you. I still remember the day I went up to the man who had sexually abused me for years during my childhood. I did not go there to yell at him, take him to the police or to throw my anger in his face. I simply told him that I had forgiven him and that he should seek God’s forgiveness so as to live a fulfilled life and make heaven. Only a healed heart can do this.
Do you need to go up to someone today and do same? do not hesitate another day… your total healing depends on that sometimes. Please my dear friend, forgive and move on with your life. And above all else know that God loves you dearly and wants the very best for you. Never doubt it another day. Some day you will read my full story in a book and you will know that there is no limit to the depth God will go to save and heal the last the lost and the least.