When you can’t trust anyone anymore, not even yourself

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where you couldn’t even trust yourself let alone another person?

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where God’s WORD became your sole friend, fan and fortifier, yet you didn’t even know if it’s God speaking?

Have you ever had so many divergent views on the same issue that you became stark raving confused?

I’ve been there. Below is a prayer I wrote to God some time ago. You may find some aspects of it very similar to what you have experienced at some time in your own walk with God.

Permit me to be a little transparent here. Be edified as you read.

Lord, from day one I have prayed to you asking that if this thing is not from you then let it end and let us part ways. I have told you to take it away from me if it is not your will for me.

The more I prayed the more it is growing. So who is answering me now, You, my emotions or the devil?

Will you give me a stone if I ask for bread? A snake if I ask for fish? A scorpion if I ask for an egg?

Will you let grow that which is supposed to die?

Lord, how else am I supposed to pray? Please Daddy, if this is a trial, a test, let me pass it now for good.

Why must I suffer so much? Daddy, you see my heart. You know I love you and will willingly follow your leading when I’m sure it is you leading.

Why the divergent views Lord? Who is right and who is wrong? Are my emotions tricking me? Then help me out Lord.

Will satan fight against satan? If this relationship is from satan, then why is satan fighting it also?

Lord Jesus did you not say that satan won’t fight himself or he’ll fail?

Lord, is this your character? That I ask of you to take it away if it’s not from you and you rather make it grow the more? Will you do that to me Daddy? Why will you do that?

Do you take pleasure in afflicting your dear daughter? Will you also hide the truth from me?

If you do not tell me the truth, who will?

Lord, if I’m being deceived, show it to me.

If I’m living in self-deception show it to me.

If the devil is tricking me show it to me.

If you are talking and I’m not getting you show it to me.

For the sake of your Name and Kingdom tell me the truth Lord.