“Lord, are you ashamed of me now?”

December 13^th; a long awaited day; an anticipated day. How I longed to join the list of my predecessors who had sat on tables and signed out book; their books, their own creation, a piece of themselves given out to the readership.

The day came and went, but alas! New reality was about to hit me in the face.

I love meeting with God outdoors. The trees, the flowers, the butterflies, the green grass, the fresh breeze…there’s something about these that just draw me so close to my Maker, my Creator.

But on this fateful day I wasn’t basking in His love as usual. I wasn’t sitting there, awe-stricken by the beauty of His creation. I was looking for something to hold onto. I was worried. I needed validation from the one in whose name I’d done what I did.

“Lord, are you also ashamed of me?”

“Why are they looking at me like that? Why are my friends avoiding me? Why the weird look on their faces? Why are they “unfriending” me on Face book? Why do my own family relations desire to ask me questions after reading those books, Lord?

Did I say things that hurt them? Did I give away too much of myself? Was I too transparent? Lord, why are they ashamed to identify with me now?

Lord, are you also ashamed of me? Are you ashamed of me because I said too much about the messes, failures, frailties and struggles of my past?

I wish I hadn’t added that little detail. I wish I’d kept this one secret. How I hate myself for having talked about that thing I did. I shouldn’t have exposed what they did to me”

Genuinely speaking, I was full of regret about lots of things I’d said in those books.

The great testimonies I got from some of my readers couldn’t compensate for the strange reactions I was receiving from close friends and relations. I was beaten down by shame and regret. I’d given away too much and it was too late to take it back.

At least that’s how I felt that day.

I really thought God must be very ashamed of me for exposing my past messiness and bringing dishonor to His HOLY NAME.

Then, came the lever out of hell. These are the words I wrote in my journal that day:

“What matters to me is not the size of my bank account, how beautiful and admired I am, how accepted I am. What matters to me is making a difference in people’s lives.

What is the use of having a bank account that’s full to the brim or a spotless name when you can’t give hope to desperate people around you? I won’t hold back or run now? I won’t fear to speak out. I can’t disown my past.

My past is my ministry and my ministry is my past. To disown my past is to disown my ministry and I can’t do that. I’ll rather be rejected and ostracized than shut up and watch people perish.

God has called me to use my past as a message to pull people out of their mess. I’m proud to be a world-changer, a person whose contribution is making the world a better place for us all”.

The Lord spoke to me. He held me in His arms and told me He was proud of me because I’d accepted to lay down my pride, dignity and name for the lost. It’s a sacrifice, a bitter and embarrassing sacrifice. It’s not easy but it’s worth it.

Jesus showed us the example by accepting the shame of the CROSS. Will you lay down your name, fame, gain, pride and dignity in order to put a smile on that tear-stained face?

God is asking you today.

 

 

It takes courage and much more…

When you’ve been abused, mistreated, used and dumped

It takes courage, the willingness to forgive

And the desire to live again

To give out your heart another time.

That’s why we must never exert pressure on people

To open up their hearts to us.

We deserve openness and genuineness in every relationship

But we must give people the time to change,

To heal and to willingly open up again.

Trying to force it out of them can be counter  productive

NO matter how much you love them and want to be with them

Just be gentle enough to let them loosen up naturally and at a  pace

That is comfortable for them.

They may really be in love,

But still needing time to get on the rails

Do not be impatient when they seem reticent

Let the rose unfold naturally.

Love and Blessing, Gretiana

 

Two broken hearts

They love each other

But they are too afraid

To let give in to each other

To express that feeling that’s burning inside.

They’ve loved before

And got hurt in the process

They are afraid to get hurt again

So they’ve become too careful

Too careful to give it away.

And they end up hurting each other,

Because they don’t want to be hurt again.

The Anatomy of self-doubt

Do you find it hard to trust yourself? Are you scared of taking decisions because you’re afraid to make mistakes and bear the consequences?

Self-doubt is a thief who will steal your joy, your sense of self-worth and self-confidence; it will keep you in a stupor too fearful to try things out and discover their outcome.

Self–doubt immobilizes you with fear. You dread taking risks because you do not want to fail.

But the truth is, in life we can’t achieve much without stepping out to try things out and then see what we get at the end of the road. We only have to trust God at such moments to lead and guide us in the right direction, and to bring us back on track when we go astray.

What are some of the things that provoke self-doubt?

• You’ve messed up too many times in life and you’re afraid to mess up another time. You prefer to play it safe this time.
• You’ve been disappointed so often; you’d rather be careful.
• You’ve been hurt too much; you won’t let it happen to you again; your guards are always up.
• You’ve often been told you’re no good; you now belief it’s true. You don’t want to confirm that ugly report.
• The devil is plaguing you with the spirit of fear and dread. You are under captivity and you need deliverance.
• You just hate trying out new things; you’re the comfort zone kind of person.

Self-doubt in itself is not bad, especially the kind that pushes you to ask questions, try out new recipes and do research to find answers. This can actually lead to self-improvement which we all need.

What I’m talking about here is the kind of negative, tormenting self-doubt that makes you to devalue yourself and to doubt your own capability at achieving anything great.

When we understand that God has promised never to leave us or abandon us, that He will not be very angry with us for messing us, that He will readily take us back and continue to love us even when we’ve made mistakes, we will be more willing to take bold steps and to leap forward, counting on Him to see us through.

So what is the cure for self-doubt?

Trust that God knows your doubt and that He’s ready to give you answers when you ask him questions. Trust that He will faithfully guide and lead you along the way. Trust that Christ in you is wisdom, power and a sound mind.

Good luck to you all as you take bold steps and great leaps forward achieve great things in this year 2016.

Thank you for making me a blogger

I look back and I see a mountain of love, a room full of care

I’m speechless…you’ve been so wonderful all year round

You may not know it, but because of you I’m called a blogger

I’m a writer because you are the reader

You amazed me with you faithfulness

Your support kept me going

I always found the strength to come back

Because I knew you were waiting

Expecting yet another post

So I found the courage to come back

Even when I had to crawl on my belly

A big thank you to all my followers, readers, friends…

You made my year and I just want to say THANK YOU..DANKE…MERCI…

Share with someone this season

They may not deserve it but they need it.

Merry Christmas to you all.

Thank you

Thank you for depriving me

You have taught me to seek and to find

Thank you for rejecting me

It has taught me to love me

Thank you for ostracizing me

It has taught me to like my own company

Thank you for victimizing me

It has taught me to fight back like a lioness

Thank you for despising me

It has put in me the thirst for achievement

Thank you for silencing me

I have become a voice for the voiceless

Thank you for the wounds you inflicted in me

I have become a healer of wounded souls; and I love it.

What you meant for evil

The Lord has turned for my good.

Thank you.

Do you really love God?

This is the greatest test of love for God;

when it seems like He’s hidden His face from you or turned His back…

when you feel like your world is falling apart, yet you choose to keep loving Him.

when you live on medication, yet you sing praises to Him…

when you even take your pills to church because you

gonna be needing them during worship service; that is what it means to love Jesus.

From the Father’s Heart

Image

More of you and less of yours

I need your heart more than your purse.

I need your presence more than you check.

I need your love more than your money.

Unable to say “NO”? check your motives

You’re afraid of hurting people; you’re a people-pleaser.

• You want to be loved and accepted.
• The false doctrine that says love never says “No”.
• You crave to be applauded and appreciated.
• You are simply complying to and perpetuating a tradition.
• You’re under peer pressure.
• You lack the courage to stand alone and be different.

The inability to say “No” could have negative consequences that far out-weigh the above motives for saying “Yes”.

No matter how good you are you will never be able to please everybody, so stop trying.

Let wisdom guide you to say a polite “NO” and a courageous “Yes” as the need arises.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was try to please everybody; and I failed.

 

Do you often have difficulties in saying “No”? What are your reasons?

Choose compassion

If you are tempted to judge, label and condemn me, choose compassion

I may not be up to your expectations, but I’m on my way to perfection.

Think about your past, where God took you

Remember how you messed up but He still chose to love you

Think of how you felt the last time someone judged and tagged you

Remember how others have endured your wrong doing

Then ask of God a heart of compassion

Then choose to give out a piece to me

I may not deserve it, but I sure need it.

My supreme love

Thou O Lord art my supreme Love

No other can I love like thee

Thy love for me knows no bounds

And states no condition for me to reach

Whether I’m weary, whether I’m sore

Thou lovest me just the same

With thee I fear no break-up or divorce

For when I’m unworthy thou lovest even more

Give me a heart to love thee forever

For when all else fails to keep the promise

Thy unfailing love for me becomes my refuge.

That city is bigger than your neighborhood

The neighborhood where you live and it’s reality should not define the way we see the entire city.

We have to get beyond our individual reality to properly appreciate life as a whole.

• You were born in a palace; life is not just about living in palaces.
• You got hurt by a woman; all women are not “hurters”.
• You got jilted by the man you love; all men don’t jilt ladies.
• You’ve been smiling since the day you were born; someone near you needs you in their life to give them their first smile in life.
• A yellow-skinned man raped your daughter. All yellow-skinned men are not rapists.
• You’ve lived in affluence all your life; some of your neighbors live on less than a dollar a day.

May our hearts be bigger than our personal experiences.

Let’s be open-minded; let’s look beyond our individual reality and we’ll find a lot of people we can help, and we’ll make the world a better place.

What my mama told me the night I saw her tears…

Beware of those who profess love but shun commitment.